Here I go again...

Hello, once again. I think the last time I wrote was back in 2011 and it's now 2013 and we have moved to Fort Benning and have had another beautiful little girl in January of this year. I'm no longer attending school, which I know I should but with two young children at home and tight on money, we can't afford to put to kids in daycare. But I do try to save my husband and I money each month. I have became an avid DIY crafter since moving. I have sewn some blankets, bibs, and burp cloths for Lahnie (the baby). I have also made some of my older girls things like bow holders, hair clips, blankets, and other random crafts. I also make my own laundry detergent and fabric softner. I tried the dishwasher detergent but I didn't think that it was doing a good enough job for me. Haha. I also cloth diaper Lahnie and breast feed as well. This is kinda my first time cloth diapering. I briefly clothed Kaleigh (middle child) when she was a baby. And I have never breast feed any of my girls. I wanted to this time just to have the experience and I didn't want to be selfish. I know that I didn't do it with my two older girls but I have my reason and if no one wants to listen or believe them, then I don't care. I can say that I am now and that's all that matter. The past is the past.  That's basically about all that's happened since my last post in 2011. I mean more interesting things have occurred and I'm sure I'll go back to them, but just in a different post :)

The reason for me to start blogging again is to track myself and try to keep myself on track with trying to save us money. With only one income and bills (like everyone else) and three kids, things can get a bit pricey. But I do plan on doing all that I can do to save. I just read a very interesting and motivating blog about saving money. I mean if she can do it why can't I? It'll be hard and difficult, but I'm willing to give it a try and we may need to make some changes to fit our family, but something is better than nothing, right? And seeing that we paid the majority of our debt off with our taxes and spent quit a bit we didn't put any into savings. I'm sad that we didn't put any in savings, but everything is paid off that we wanted to and we got somethings that we needed/wanted while we had the money. But starting with March's paycheck we will be putting money into savings and trying to see how much we have at the end of the pay period to put more into savings. I hate living paycheck to paycheck, but we have to do what we have to do.

On top of putting money into savings, we went to the butchers or meat market (whatever you want to call it) and bought a large amount of meat to last us for about a month and half or so. And we will continue to do this so our grocery bill wont be so high. And I love this idea cause we did this back at Fort Hood and it lasted for some time and we also got a deep freezer so we have a place to store it besides using the fridge to store the meat. It'll also help better with meal planing with I have done and sorta stopped, but will be picking it back up to save money.

I have also made our own laundry detergent and fabric softener. I didn't think that it would work or be easy, but it was and is.This last batch of detergent and softener have lasted about 3 months or so. I don't remember when I made it but I know that I was still very prego when I did. :) I have added something to my detergent to give it an extra boost of smell. I was worried that they since they didn't smell good that they weren't clean. But I just added the purex crystals to the batch and all is good. I want to and will start to make my own fabric softeners that you can put in the dryer. I like to use the liquid and the sheets. But I found a DIY to replace the sheets (to save more money) on Pinterest. I've also made a few DIY cleaners.

Another thing that I did to help save money is that I'm cloth diapering Lahnie and breast feeding. I know that breast feed to save money is a horrible way to put instead of saying that I want to give my child the best (which I do), but with my two other girls I didn't and I regret it but it is what it is. And I decided to cloth cause it would save a ton of money in the long run and I kinda like the idea of doing it. And since Kaleigh didn't potty train the first time or two that it was going to be expensive to buy diapers for two. So, it saved in that way. But now my sweet Kaleigh is now potty trained and no more buying diapers. And a friend of mine even gave me a ton of pull-ups that both girls can use for nap (Kaleigh) and bed time (both girls).

At the end of the day, I'm doing my best to save as much as I can. I think that I'm going to start a vacation savings acct that no one will know about but me. It's easier for me to save money than my husband. But he is willing to jump on wagon with me. He just needs to be shown and needs to learn it. And that's what we will start doing. I'm also feel so accomplished by doing all this and at least trying.

At it again!

Ok, so I was going to the gym for like two months or so before December and I had seen no results. And I mean I burned a lot of calories and I changed my diet and all eating habits. And nothing and I mean not a change in my weight. So, I took the month of December off to regroup my thought and re-do my plan of action. I now know what my school schedule is going to look like so I am going to try to go 2x a day if possible. And I'm going to hit it hard, got some good news about Perrin's leave so I really need to. And I really want to. I'm going to to create a workout plan for myself and make sure I got and do what I need to do to make sure I can meet my weight loss goal. And if I don't by the time I would like, then I will get going until I get there. There is no reason why I can't do what I need to do. I know that if I put my mind to it that I can do it.

I think that I may plan to do some kind of update through my blog, but I'm not sure what I want to do. But I will document the road from start to end. And I can't wait to show Perrin that I can do it and that I did. My issue right now is second guessing myself. And I keep trying to tell myself that I can live with looking like I do even though I'm not happy. And I hate when I do that to myself. I mean if I'm not happy then I need to fix it right? And I just hope that I can! I want to make sure that I do and will do. I can I can I can!! That's all I can keep telling myself!!

Just some thoughts!

Ok, well I'm going to try not to complain I have a few resolutions and I'm going to try to stick to them. But it just upsets me when I try nice to people and offer to do things and not and they totally blow me off. I mean I'm trying right? Doesn't that mean anything? I mean if you don't want to talk to me or whatever then don't and let me know so I can stop wasting my energy on you and put it towards something worth my time! Grrr, that just really irritates me!

Anyhow, I know that most people who make resolutions only stick to them for a few weeks or for about a month or two. This year I made resolutions that I know I can complete and do without quiting. Some might take longer then others, but I'm willing to do what it takes. And some of them are things that deal with how I act about and/or towards things. I want to change for the better without changing my personality. Yea, I may be mean or come off not so nice, but that's just me. And if one really knows my past and how I grew up then they'd understand why I am the way I am. And I think that the only real person that knows that is my best friend in the whole Angel. She knows everything and anything about me. We had almost the say life growing up and we bonded the second we met. I just wish we were still together...or at least a reasonable driving distance. But one day we will soon be able to do the things that we did.

These last few days I have been thinking about what it was like when I was growing up (what I can remember of it) and I've made a promise to myself that I wouldn't do that to my girls. I want them to have an active life and do sports and letting the choose if they want. I wont force them to do something and I will show them love all the time and I wont use objects to get their love. There is just so much that I don't want them to go through that I did. And Perrin agrees with me on it. So, if we work together then they will have the life that I wanted. And I will live through my girls. I want to be the best mother to them then anything in the world. And I'm not saying my mom wasn't a good mother, things could have just been different then a lot of things would be different.

I just can't wait till Perrin comes home...since I start class on Monday, I really hope the next few months fly faster then anything in the world.

Here we go again, haha.

This was our latest family pic back in June 2010 before Perrin left for Iraq

Ok, I know I have said this the last few times in my posts, but instead of saying I'm going to start writing daily, I will atleast write once a week and then I'll go from there. But a lot has happened since July of 2010 (I believe was the last post). My husband is on another deployment, my oldest girls is getting big and smarter every day, and my youngest chunky butt is most deffinetly getting big. It's time for birthdays and growing and learning for me and my girls. I have my 25th birthday this month ( cannot believe it at all!!), my chunky butt (Kaleigh) turns one in March (holy moly, how the time has flown by), and my monkey butt (Mihkayla) turns 4 in May and will start Pre-k this year (it's been 4 years?? Where have I been?? Haha). The time has flown by super fast since we've been at Fort Hood. I've meet some really great people and I have met some not so great people. And it's ok everyone makes mistakes, and there are a few mistakes that I wont make again, that's for sure!! And the best news that I can post about is that we are moving back to Fort Campbell, and I personally can't wait!!! Even though I kinda love Fort Hood's weather, I would like to go back to 4 seasons...and the town is smaller and so is post and I know my way around there. I will miss a few here but I will keep in contact with them and still share stories with them since they wont be with me.

The latest news is that I start classes again on Monday, but this time I will be in-classroom instead of online classes. I'm just not the online class type of person! But I hope that these inclassroom classes bring my GPA up and I get back onto the path that I was at when I was going to Austin Peay Univ. Another recent issue going on it that I'm trying to figure out whats wrong with me. I have been to a few docs and I have a very low positive autoimmune issue but that's it. They said I might have fibramialga, but there isn't a test to know for sure if one has that or not. And now I will be going to see another doc on my back/hips. There is just too much pain in that area and I've done a lot of different things to try to take the pain away and I don't want to take any more pills unless I know for sure what is wrong with me. So, I hope after about 4 years I might find out what is wrong. I will keep my head up and just keep trying to find some kind of answer. That's about it on the most recent news that's been going on.
I believe that Kaleigh will start to walk here shortly and then her birthday and we hope that Perrin will be here in time for Mihkayla's 4th birthday. And then we hope that he will be home for good in time for her first day of school.

Waiting...

Ok, today has been just another day. I mean I was a little lazier then normal today. I hurt my back some how and I'm not to sure how I did it. It was hurting yesterday, but the pain went away and then today it came back and kick me in the butt. Hmmm...who knows.
Anywho...I'm going to go insane this deployment. Mihkayla is older and can cause more trouble and get on my last nerves a lot easier then normal as well. The dogs are driving me insane and Mihkayla doesn't help either. But oh well, I love my dogs. And Kaleigh as of right now is just fine. She is a little fussy and eats a lot, I know once she starts crawling that little chunky butt will be getting on my nerves, too. But in all reality I wouldn't have it any other way. And I honestly hate when people talk about their husbands being gone and they went home. You are home with family and the rest of us are sticking it out where we are. I mean I would love to run home every time Perrin deploys, but I'm an adult and that isn't needed. And moving the girls like that would hurt them and cause issues with them as well.

Ok, let me get off that before I get to in depth and cause more issues that aren't needed. I have decided to go back to CTC (Central Texas College) again. I have went back and forth a few time now. But seeing that I have a friend who is willing to watch the girls and I trust her, and she changed her schedule for me so she can watch the girls and I go and change my mind? I didn't think that was very nice of me so I am going to go back and do what I gotta do to get closer into my teaching degree and then go and get my Associates degree later or something. I mean I think that the classes I'm taking for teaching can be used for the rest of the elective class hours that I need but I'm going to see about just taking psychology classes to finish that. And I'm going to see if I can go to two different schools at once. Cause I really would like to finish my Associates with Austin Peay State Un. and then just go to CTC for my teaching, but I guess I could ask someone right? I mean at this point I either need to get a job or go back to school, since I get my G.I Bill we could use that and the extra deployment money to save up for things and use when Perrin gets back. Idk, but I gotta figure something out. And it needs to be quick. But Perrin is behind me either way, which is good cause he doesn't mind me going to school.

Oh and on another note. For this deployment I plan to stay very busy and just do things that I wouldn't have done before. I mean I will keep myself so busy that I wouldn't know if I'm coming or going. I will go back to making my do-lists and sticking to it. And I will make sure that the girls are on a some what flexible schedule and stick to that. I want them to get into a routine so that way when Perrin comes home they will know what's up and I know that it wont be another thing for me to worry about. Or stress about. Things are going to be a lot different. Things will get done and I won't get stuck on people anymore. They have hurt me too much that I could careless what they do anymore when I am replaced with someone who isn't nice and who treats your kids like crap hey that's fine. I don't care karma is a bitch. Let me stop cause I'm going back on that thing that I don't want to talk about cause I can talk about it forever!!! Ugh.

Vents and just to let it go...

Ok, so I just want to put out there yes I knew what was going to happen once I married a military man and all the other bull. And yes I also know that things could be a lot worse then what they are now for me and my family. But I just don't have the best friend for me to vent too. So, I'm going to do it here.

Ok, one I'm done and over trying to be there for people. I mean ya I'm your "friend" but how is it that you only talk to me when you don't have anyone else to talk to. Or when your board and have nothing else to do. I just think that is mean and selfish. I just don't want to do it anymore. I mean it's time for me to move on and just leave yall in the past where yall belong. And it just sucks that I feel like I don't have anyone I can confide in. I mean I have some friends I could but I don't want them to think that I have all these issues. And I'm sure they wont, but I just don't want to come off like that.

Two, I'm tired of hearing all these girlfriends and wife's of soldiers who have never been deployed complain about their husbands being gone and whatever else. I mean I know that I was once there, but I knew it was going to happened and I prepared myself and did things I had to, to keep busy and what not. I just don't see how they think that it'll never happen or whatever. Idk maybe I'm just being a bitch but really? I just want to tell them to get over it! Ugh. And another thing that gets me is when the wife decides to get pregnant right before he leaves then complains about how he's missing everything. Really? You knew he is or was going to deploy and you were trying to get pregnant, so I don't want to hear it. I mean ya it sucks and my husband was here for that and the birth of our children so I really don't know. But if I was in that situation I can't complain cause I knew what was going to happen. Idk but I just don't want to hear it. Sorry.

Well, those are the two main things that have been bothering me at the moment. Haha. I feel a little better now. I will try to write more tomorrow or something.

The day...

Well, I haven't been sleeping well the last few nights along with Kaleigh waking up almost every 3 hours to eat and fuss. So, all of that and doing a lot myself is really hard. I wish I could just have a place to run too. I'm not happy with how I look and feel. And I try to find the motivation deep down inside and workout or do something to where I can burn calories or fat. But for the first month or two I would just eat and eat cause I was down and alone. Perrin was in and out of the field and Kaleigh having colic, that is what I turned to. And I know I just had a baby (almost 4 months ago), but I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm not happy and I want to be happy again. Then with hearing that Perrin would most likely do another 15 month deployment that just broke my heart. I mean ya he's in the Army and ya he has been home a little over a yr unlike some people, but it's still hard. Most definitely when Kaleigh wont even know who he is when he gets home anyways. Idk it's just so hard. And ya I knew what I was getting into when I married an Army guy and all that other crap, but no matter what it's still hard. It's still heat breaking when you have to say bye and not know if that'll be the last time I see him. And that has happened to many people and I feel so sorry for them and I pray that it doesn't happen, but I can't tell the future. Keeping my head up right now isn't easy! And when I ask for help it's like I'm talking to a wall some times. I think that if Perrin was in my shoes and had to go through what I am, have, and will be going through he'll have a different outlook. And ya I know that what he's doing is a lot harder then me, but I just want as much help and I can get before he leaves so I can get everything on a schedule. That's all I want. I'm not asking for a million bucks or anything. Just a little help.
I have joined a play group here and I like a lot of the ladies and their kiddos. It's something that keeps me busy and not think about what's left at home. I've made good friends with a few and glad that I did cause I don't know where I'd be with out them. They've helped me when I was prego with Kaleigh and offering to take Mihkayla for me. I hope that nothing else happens in the play group. I'm done and over with drama. I'm not in high school anymore and not a child or teenager anymore. It just never goes away where ever you are. And that's the bad thing some people just don't have anything else better to do, but cause drama for others.
Anywho...I guess I'll go since I have a lot of things to do. Gotta get me and the girls ready for a play date.