Still working on it...

Ok, it's been a few weeks since my last post. The main reason why I haven't blogged in some time was that I had internet thru Verizon and we could only use so much a month so I was on a limit and I switch to Timer Warner and have unlimited internet. I know this may sound gay but I'm super excited to have this internet. Like I'm super excited cause I can do what I want for how ever long I want to. Anywho...Perrin's home but will be leaving for another possible 15 months, which (sorry for the language) is bullshit. He had already done one 15 month tour and missed the firsts with his first daughter. And I understand that it's the military and what not. But how are they expected to have a family life if they are going to be gone more then they are home. And if he is gone for another 15 months then he's going to miss the firsts of everything for his second daughter, which is breaking my heart cause she wont even know who is before he leaves cause she'll be too young and I know how she's going to act when he comes homes and that's even more heartbreaking. But I know I'll have to and will get over it. But it's just hard knowing that their are people in the world who take this stuff for granted and don't care and what not. And then there are others who don't ever get to meet their child cause God needed them. Idk I'm trying not to let it get to me.

Anywho...Kaleigh is now a cloth diaper baby. I'm still getting use to it but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. And I don't mind it. And I can already see that we are saving money. Poor Mihkayla her eczema doesn't seem to be getting better. I feel bad. And you can see where she's used other medicines in the past on her legs...I just don't know what else to do...I feel like keeping her inside away from the heat, the cold, and water. Those seem to be the things that make it worse. Idk. Well, I need to hit the hay since Kaleigh didn't sleep well last night and I'm really tired! So, I'll write age and I don't have a limit on my internet, yay!! Haha

Trying to deal...

Ok, so I didn't keep up with blogging like I wanted. A lot has been going on. With Mihkayla being a handful and not listening most of the time that is a work out in it's self. And then with Kaleigh's issues (colic and now a horrible diaper rash) that's a different chapter in my book. Then finally with the horrible migraines that I have been getting, most of the time I don't want to do anything, but I have to cause I'm the only able to take of the girls at the moment. Well, Mihkayla is just like me with the attitude and the beautiful blond hair and blue eyes. I honestly don't see how my mother did it with me and my sisters, who have the same attitude, that is a little worse then mine. And her eczema is outa control, I just don't know what to do. And now that it is summer here and with her able to go play in the pool and what not, doesn't help either. In all reality she can't be in the water for more then about 10 min because the water is so harsh here, so if she's in the water any longer then it makes her eczema worse. Now, the sad thing is that Kaleigh has it too. I feel soo bad that the girls got it from me cause I'm pale. And the thing is that no one in my side of the family or Perrin's side of the family has it. I just don't know what to do. I think that when people see Mihkayla that I'm a bad parent because of how her skin looks and it bothers me when I see people just sitting there staring at me. But I try not to let it get to me cause I know what kinda parent I am and I think that I'm doing a good job. So, with Kaleigh's diaper rash issue. I have decided to change from disposables to cloth diapers. And yes a lot of people think it's nasty and what not. But I think that this would be best for her and maybe help her out with having these horrible diaper rashes. I'm not breast feeding so I know it's not what I'm eating and she's only eating/drinking formula. So, I don't know what else it could be and or do. And seeing that I have a few friends that are cloth diapering and I've talked them and weighed the pros and cons that it's just best for me to go cloth. And one thing that comes with this is trying to find someone to watch her. A lot of people just don't deal with it and don't understand what the purpose is and what not. So, that's another thing on my plate to worry about. I swear if it's not one things it's another. And I try to think positive and keep my head up but some times it's just hard to do when you are alone most of the time. I don't know. I guess I'm just going to go and think some things thru before I get back on here and start typing....

It's been way too long...

Ok, so ya it has been over a year since I last blogged. And I'm sorry and a lot has happened since then. My husband came home from a 15 month deployment, my sweet Mihkayla turned 2, my husband and I and Steph and Garrett went to Acapulco (Heather and Jason were suppose to come, but they couldn't and would have been great to have them), I found out I was pregnant with our second child, and we moved from Fort Campbell, Ky. to Fort Hood, Tx. That was just in the last few months of 2009. Since 2010 started we got settled in out house at Fort Hood, I had my 24th birthday, and we had are baby girl Kaleigh on March 2, 2010 and she was 8lb 13oz and 20 inches long.

And now that it's May Perrin is at NTC for a month to prepare for deployment and Mihkayla will be turning 3. WOW! Where has the time gone. I remember being in the Army and just had Mihkayla and buying a house.

And now I've had another child and we moved. It's still hard on me now even though we've been here for about 6 months. So much has happened that "only if" I could go back and change somethings, I wouldn't feel or be in the place in life that I'm at now. And I know you can't always count on the what if's and can't dwell on the past. But for some reason I feel like I have left somethings unfinished. I had so many great things at Campbell and I don't have all the great things that I had anymore and it gets to me. I find it a lot harder to go out and do things and meet people that I feel comfortable around. I feel like I have changed as a person since we've moved here. I also think that I ruined a lot of friendships and what not over things that weren't that important or over things that shouldn't have been a big deal to anyone, but some reason it was a big deal to me. I've tried to not be so to myself, but I feel like I'd be happier just sticking to myself and talking to those who I only know well. Honestly which is less then a handful of people now.

Since moving to Hood, I've wanted to try to be more involved with Perrin's unit and what. But the way things are looking it's not going to happen because his unit is crap, so I think. I mean he's been screwed a lot since we've moved here. I mean over things that aren't that big of a deal and for stuff he has nothing to do with or any control over. It's funny how, when we were at Campbell I said I can't wait to get outta here and now that I'm outta there I wish I was back. And I wish I was back for many reasons. One is that I was close to my mom, that was the only family that I was close to, both my sisters live up north and I haven't seen one them since 2005 when I left for basic training. I really don't talk to my famliy as much as I'd like to, we are all grown up and became different people. I really don't know many of my family members anymore. I don't talk to a lot of my cousins and aunts n uncles much. I can't even say that I really have any family. But that's a complete different blog, haha. Two is I had some good friends there, one of which happened to move to Hood too!!, and I didn't realize it till after I left how good of friends they were. But we all have to move on I guess? Three is that I had a great babysitter who Mihkayla loved and still loves so much. I didn't think that she'd remember much of them cause she was only 2 1/2, but she surprises me all the time when she comes outta no where with things that she's done with her friends. And four is that I had a house there, that we bought. I mean it wasn't a big lovely house, but it was our house and we couldn't sell it in time before we left and would have had to put money into selling it, which we didn't have. It sucks going from something that is yours to go to something that isn't yours. And I mean we didn't have the chance to come down here to look for a place to live or anything so we had to settle with living on post. It's really not that bad, but it's just a difference then having your own house to something not yours. Another issue that is getting me is my school. It's so much harder to find reasonable day care for two kids then it is for one. And I'm almost done with school, I mean I still have about a year left, but that's a lot closer to where I was this time last year. But with how the school does things a lot different here with paying for classes and what not. I just don't know. I don't if I should get a job or just keep going to school, but either way I'll need day care and i just can't afford to pay for day care over $400 every two weeks. I don't know.

Well, I need to go and get some things done. I'm going to either try and write once a day or at least once a week, depending on how busy I am.

55 Day left on the Count Down...

Today had been a day! Went to the gym like any other day and ended up staying like 45 min longer then what I normally stay! Thanks Heather!!! But it was a good work out except this one guy who was bother some...And I'm so freaking tired! I got all my errands don't but one. And that sucks cause it's for my unemployment! I just have been so busy and tired to want to do anything. And with the school schedule that I have now it's really just ugh..I mean if you knew that I was only taking 2 classes and what not, then you're going to like are you serious? Well, I come home and have a house to keep up and a child to take care of and one of my classes is an all day class. It's not that the class is hard and that's why I'm tired, it's that the class is so so so freaking boring! It's horrible!! I just hope that this semester flys cause then Perrin and the rest of the guys will be home. And I can't freaking wait! Man the year that he has been gone, now that I look back has flown by and now that he's only like a month and a half away from being home it's going to take forever now!! I'm just trying not to think bout how many days are left because then they defiantly would go by super slow. I'm working on that! I just wanted to write something...I'm going to bed got an semi early morning!

56 Days and counting down!!

OMG! Is all I have to say. Man today has been a really bad day! And I so wish Perrin was here for me to lean on. I hate having these days because it's like I'm really all alone and no one to talk to. And I know I have friends that I can talk to, but some times I just want him, you know? And the sad thing is we kinda got into it when we talked today. I was so hurt...And that conversation just made me bad day even worse. But for more then half the day I was in my Biology class and oh lord what a day! I mean I know everyone has stories to tell about whatever experience they had and with what. But this guy has like 50+ years worth...I would say with my class the time is 11:15 am to 4:30 pm for more then half that time we heard nothing, but stories!! He's a sweet guy, I'm just saying I don't know how I'm going to do in this class. Well one Biology isn't one of my stongerst subjects and two I can't really understand what he's saying.

Well, we have 56 days till the guys are projected to come home. And I'm so excited! I really can't wait! Life will one be complete and then two will be a little weird because we will have to get use to them being around all the time and what not. I mean I can't wait for that, but it has been over a year since we've lived with them. But I want to do so much to the house. Like I wanted to start painting around inside the house, but I can't find any colors that I like or which room I want to paint. I'm most likely going to wait till Perrin comes home and we can do it together! But I want to make the outside look great! I want to put some little flowers around outside and take the wood out from around the bush areas and put some kinda plastic so ants and other bugs can't eat it. I just hope I don't over whelm myself with a lot of activites, but yet again I think it will make the time fly by. And that's always good!! I'm just so super excited!!!!! Now I just want to know if we are going to stay at Campbell or not. Sorry that way I know what we could do to the house and what not to do. I mean I know that the more you add or the more you do the higher the price of the house will be, but if we are going to move, we will need that money to move. I don't know I really don't want to move!!!! But you can't tell the Army no, technically.
Well, I'm going to bed...Tomorrow will be along day because I have a lot of cleaning to do since I don't have class and Mihkayla will be at the sitters.

What should it be called?

Well, I know that the time is getting shorter, but with that it's also getting harder! There are so many things that I want to do and so many things that need to be done. And I just want to have a lot of things done before he comes home...because there are going to a lot of things that I'm going to want to do so I rather get what I want done before... Well, this semester isn't going to be as easy as I think it's going to be! Both my classes are going to be different and might have some difficulty with them. I just hope that I pass these classes with a good grade. I want try to keep a good GPA. I want to do really good so that one I don't have to repeat any of my classes and pay of pocket for them and two so that I can prove to people that I can do good in school. And I hope that if we did move to another post that whatever college I go to when I get there that most of my classes transfer! I would hate to take some of these classes again. Well, it isn't much but, I'm tired and I'm going to the gym in the am. So, tomorrow is a short day for me so I'll write more then.

Goodness....

Well, the last few days have been so out of it for me. One of my good friends came back to Ft. Campbell. So, me and Heather have been helping her move and get things in some kind of order. And I really need to clean my house I have let it go the last few days. There has been so many people in my house you'd think that it was a hotel or something. And my drive way...wow I had like 6 cars in it. It's just been a busy weekend. It's been so crazy!! So, my and my girls (Steph and Heather) and Steph's cousin and room mate went out last night! WOW! It was good night!! And I honestly can't believe that I drank as much as I did. And I think that I am better and darts when I'm drunk then I am when I am sober!!

So, I start school tomorrow! I just wish I has longer then a week break! But I can't complain because I did get a break! And I keep thinking that as soon as I finish this semester Perrin will be coming home! It has been over a year since he's been gone! It is also getting harder and more stressful as the time goes by. I just wish it was happening in like a week or something. It's just so sad some times to see happy couples in public because I'm alone and I get so jealous because he's gone. Man, I'm so tired. Well, I'm going to go since I'm going to the gym before class! Gotta have all the energy in the world to do that!!