Well, I haven't been sleeping well the last few nights along with Kaleigh waking up almost every 3 hours to eat and fuss. So, all of that and doing a lot myself is really hard. I wish I could just have a place to run too. I'm not happy with how I look and feel. And I try to find the motivation deep down inside and workout or do something to where I can burn calories or fat. But for the first month or two I would just eat and eat cause I was down and alone. Perrin was in and out of the field and Kaleigh having colic, that is what I turned to. And I know I just had a baby (almost 4 months ago), but I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm not happy and I want to be happy again. Then with hearing that Perrin would most likely do another 15 month deployment that just broke my heart. I mean ya he's in the Army and ya he has been home a little over a yr unlike some people, but it's still hard. Most definitely when Kaleigh wont even know who he is when he gets home anyways. Idk it's just so hard. And ya I knew what I was getting into when I married an Army guy and all that other crap, but no matter what it's still hard. It's still heat breaking when you have to say bye and not know if that'll be the last time I see him. And that has happened to many people and I feel so sorry for them and I pray that it doesn't happen, but I can't tell the future. Keeping my head up right now isn't easy! And when I ask for help it's like I'm talking to a wall some times. I think that if Perrin was in my shoes and had to go through what I am, have, and will be going through he'll have a different outlook. And ya I know that what he's doing is a lot harder then me, but I just want as much help and I can get before he leaves so I can get everything on a schedule. That's all I want. I'm not asking for a million bucks or anything. Just a little help.
I have joined a play group here and I like a lot of the ladies and their kiddos. It's something that keeps me busy and not think about what's left at home. I've made good friends with a few and glad that I did cause I don't know where I'd be with out them. They've helped me when I was prego with Kaleigh and offering to take Mihkayla for me. I hope that nothing else happens in the play group. I'm done and over with drama. I'm not in high school anymore and not a child or teenager anymore. It just never goes away where ever you are. And that's the bad thing some people just don't have anything else better to do, but cause drama for others.
Anywho...I guess I'll go since I have a lot of things to do. Gotta get me and the girls ready for a play date.
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